My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
