Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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