Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
