I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So. Much. Porn.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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