When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
