i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
