Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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