Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
