well most of my day revolves around power hour
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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