I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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