I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
