let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
