you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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