Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
