Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
