oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
