he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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