So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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