I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You ruined the universe
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
