I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He better not be in your backpack
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
