Dude my mom stole all your condoms
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
