obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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