My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
