john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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