You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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