i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
