So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
