Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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