I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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