I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
