i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
