I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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