Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
