you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm both gender and math confused
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
