dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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