It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
