Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
