i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
