Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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