In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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