I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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