Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
