No awkward lesbian experiences without me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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