im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
