my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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