The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
