No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
