I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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