It's Friday. Sex?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize