Pappa wants mamma naked
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm getting married
To pizza
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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