I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
