I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
