I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize