when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
