fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
