I love black thongs
youre lurking in front of me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't deserve a penis
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
