i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
