piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
