We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
