Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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