I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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