so explain again why im purple
no
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
