I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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