i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize