Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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