no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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