She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
