just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
soo... how was my night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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