I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
