so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
