i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
