Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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