If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
