operation harelip BJ is a go
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
