Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
