He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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