My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
