I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
