There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it's like iHOP with fire
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
