i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this hospital has no fireball
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
