laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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